(its the big one, Martha)

So a full-scale nuclear war just broke out and pretty much just fudged up your day. But let's forget about all that nasty fallout, nuclear winter and lethal radiation rays, cuz who gives a crap about that? Your computer, television, and even your car no longer works, and that just sucks. How did this happen? It's called EMP, Electromagnetic Pulse. It's a pulse of high-level electromagnetic energy that will fry every piece of electronic equipment you have. EMPs, regardless of what you might have heard, are not going to effect you, your animals or your house plants, but electronic devices are all on the hit list. The good news is they don't have to be. There are ways to protect that precious $1500 Macbook you just had to have (even thou you coulda bought a Windows pc for half the price, doofus.) 

Lets start with your car though. Cars are actually somewhat EMP proof from the get go; the rubber on their tires tend to ground the vehicle, protecting it from a EMP. Be warned, this is not always the case; newer cars are basically big computers and we all know what EMPs do to computers. Why do you think in all those post-apocalyptic movies they're always driving 60s and 70s Cameros, Mustangs, GTOs, and Trans Ams? It's not just because they are awesome (although they are). It's because they won't die in an EMP; there's no computer brain to stop, no electronic fuel injection system to crap out. There's just straight combustion, like granddad used to have. Ahh, those were the days.

Now let's talk about your toys, the battery powered ones. EMPs actually need a good stretch of antenna to really do damage. Thus, anything plugged in is basically on an antenna, so it's done for. So why not run everything you can off batteries? Also, while it may be a slight inconvenience, unplug all of your shit when you're not using it. If its not plugged in or turned on, it's not going to die. Although I can't really see the point of having a product if your not going to use it that often, so maybe this isn't going to work. But, since you're throwing away that $1500 on a Macbook anyway, why not buy two...one to keep turned off (just in case), and the other to look at all the internet porn you can handle.

Now let's talk shielding since we're all up to speed on some of the basic precautions. Can we actually shield ourselves from the dreaded EMP? Hell yeah, you can. Tin foil hats are not just for repelling aliens, they also keep out the EMPs. Pick a room and wallpaper every inch of the floor, ceiling, walls, doors, and windows with aluminum foil. That room now, in addition to making you look insane, is officially EMP proof. Hooray!! Also good for this purpose is copper mesh. Yep, you've been using it for years to keep the government from spying on your secret ambitions to take over the internet using porn, but it can actually help protect you from EMPs as well. Copper mesh made into a Faraday Cage effectively blocks all radio waves, and in essence the EMP energy is just a type of radio wave, so wallpaper your house in copper mesh and no EMPs are getting in there.

Maybe protecting your computer really won't matter to you in the case of WWIII, but in all seriousness, an EMP is a much larger threat than an all-out nuclear war. If a terrorist was to set off an EMP a mile above a city, it would effectively put that city back into the old west. If that terrorist were somehow able to get hold of a nuke and set it off in the upper atmosphere above the United States, the nuke wouldn't physically harm us all that much. What would happen is the EMP would spread across the entire USA, basically shutting down all civilian electronics and plunging this country into an electronic stone age instantly. It would destroy our economy, our standard of living, and...well, just be really bad. So maybe you should be prepared. You never know what's right around the corner, do ya?

 
 Rocky McVey